i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize