you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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