I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
