I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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