this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
