just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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