Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Randomize
