hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize