She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
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