I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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