My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
bring money and cleavage
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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