If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
