i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
