Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
