Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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