dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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