Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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