Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize