belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
