his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
