hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
