ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
