just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Can you bring me the toilet please
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
