mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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