Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
