Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
40s are totally the cure
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
