Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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