In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
