I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Can I color on your dick again?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
