Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
