i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
