Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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