he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
