Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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