Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
