third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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