puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
