remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
