i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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