I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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