So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
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