I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
