The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
