You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
