O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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