SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
