They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
