woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
