i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
