Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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