White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
