Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
