just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
