Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
