At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
