i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
