Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
