I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
