After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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