So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
