I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I deserve this hangover.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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