It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
vagina is talking i cant
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
