That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
