how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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