I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
