Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
