i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
