so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
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