Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
