i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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