I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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