in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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