He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
My breasts were aching with rage.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
