I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
