I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I deserve this hangover.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
