Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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