my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
This house was built for laser tag.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Randomize