having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
