Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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