Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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