you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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