I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
