Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
