how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
