How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
