I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
