i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
