I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
