I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
