she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Green mimosas i think yes
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
