craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
