Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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