She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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