dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
