2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
