it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
